I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
