it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Drake has all the answers
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize