I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
