It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
third nipple confirmed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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