The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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