i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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