Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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