When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
