i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
