Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
