no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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