hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the day after is always just damage control
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is Oprah even human
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
