bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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