these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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