i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
