i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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