Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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