my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
