he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize