My friends, they love my intelligence
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
