im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
