An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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