I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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