The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
