I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
