On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this just has baby written all over it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
