Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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