Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
