I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
