I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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