so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
