he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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