mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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