we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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