I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
