hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
