Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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