ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize