And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
