At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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