Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
