GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
