At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
