i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
