I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
