FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
