So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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