OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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