Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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