Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
