the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
