I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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