my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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