Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
