i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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