Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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