So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
