We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize