Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
