Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
