K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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