Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
