Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize