its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
