I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize