i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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