I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
