If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
