Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
