I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
