I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
