I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize