just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
