I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
