Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
