I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
