sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
