I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
