hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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