I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
