Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
