You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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