It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
