The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
