So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
