where am i from again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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