So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize