so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
