They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
