I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
ttyl tear gas
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You need a sexual gate keeper
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
