Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
