If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
