My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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