so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
