Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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